Humor


The Pope & Michael Ignatieff Visit Rogers Centre

The Pope and Michael Ignatieff were on the same stage at the Rogers Stadium, Toronto in front of a huge crowd. The Pope leans towards Mr. Ignatieff and said, “Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they’ll forever speak of this day and rejoice!” Ignatieff replied, “I seriously doubt that! With one little wave of your hand….Show me!” So the Pope backhanded Ignatieff and knocked him off the stage! AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY! Kind of brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it?

East Coast Humor

Two Newfies were waiting at the bus stop when a truck past loaded up with rolls of turf. Jimmy said, “I’m gonna do that when I win the lottery…’ “What’s that then?”asks Mikey. “Send me lawn away to be cut”…

 Conservative Party Humor

I stopped by the Toyota dealership yesterday for a look at the new Tacoma. Just for fun, I took it out for a test drive. I wanted to sense that new feel.

The salesman (wearing a Daulton McGuinty lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat describing the truck and all its options. The seats were of particular interest. He explained that they directed air to your buttocks, warm in the winter and cool in the summer.

Feeling like messing with his mind, I mentioned that this must be a “Conservative” truck.

Looking a bit miffed, he asked why I thought it was a “Conservative” truck.

I explained that if it were a “Liberal ” truck, the seats would blow smoke up your ass year round.

I had to walk back to the dealership. The guy just had no sense of humour.

Never choke in a Southern US Restaurant

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to choke.  After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, ‘Kin ya swallar?’ The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, ‘Kin ya breathe?’ The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table. His partner says, ‘Ya know, I’d heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’ but I ain’t niver seed nobody do it!’

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